Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Where fear tempts me to stay home... step out

control smothers and fear asphyxiates and even now we could trust and nod yes to God's yes of today and now and breath.” – A Holy Experience

Sometimes the hardest thing is to move forward; like a cold, dark winter’s morning where the bed is so soft and warm, and the day seems so long and the floor so darn freezing. Now, where I am, is so comfortable, it’s not perfect but I know it and I can make it work… but you Lord, are inviting me into the unknown, where I don’t see how *I* can possibly make it work. Which, unfortunately, is your point, isn’t it? That it’s not about me making things come together, but becoming willing to let you do it all. How that thought terrifies me, it makes my heart drop, worse than a roller coaster.

I have put up my blankets, tucked and pinned them tight around my space; like my childhood forts, warm and ‘safe’. But you invite me, oh so gently, and with the outstretched hand of my husband beckoning me to step out, to see so much more than the familiar. The flannels are worn and soft… but your wilderness is breathtaking in its beauty, I’ve had glimpses before and the still small voice in my heart cries out to experience it more fully. Is it worth it to choose what I know so well because I fear where He might take me?... No, even with my trembling heart I must follow Him, even if He may mislead me (impossible as that is), He is my heart, He is my life and life without following His voice is darkness to me.

Breathe deep dear heart… and nod, whisper, “yes”.

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